Be Good to Yourself

Category: Practical Tips

9 Ways Walking Can Help You Reduce Stress
Photo by Emma Simpson on Unsplash

It’s well known that walking has various health benefits. Apart from burning calories, it’s a gentle way to stay fit and has a positive impact on your blood pressure, your heart and even your digestion.

But did you know that a hike through nature or a leisurly stroll through the city can also be great a stress management technique?

Here’s how you can use walking to reduce stress and raise your mood.

Relax

Going for a walk is a great way to relax your mind and body. Even a short walk can be the perfect break when you feel overwhelmed by stress. Sometimes, moving your body – even gently – and breathing some fresh air can already do the trick.

Quiet your thoughts

Whether you opt for a brisk walk around the block or a comfortable stroll, walking can help you clear your thoughts and take some distance.

The only fact that you are mentally and physically moving away from stress has an important impact on your well-being and will help you calm down.

Boost your mood

Like any other type of exercise, walking briskly triggers the release of endorphins, the so-called feel-good hormone. This will not only help you combat stress but also boost your mood and energy levels.

Check in with yourself

Throughout our hectic day, we tend to become unaware of our feelings and mood. Why not take the opportunity of a stroll to check in with yourself? Ask yourself how you feel physically and mentally. Acknowledge your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Become aware of the thoughts that are crossing your mind.

Connect with nature

Spending time outdoors, especially in nature, is another great way to reap the stress-busting effects of walking.

Obviously, we don’t always have the possibility to walk in nature. However, in most cities, you can opt for a walk through a park, a green area, or along the riverside.

Be mindful

Going for a walk is the perfect opportunity to practice mindfulness. One option is to just enjoy your walk without any distraction and be extremely aware of your surroundings. Pay attention to the details. What do you see? What sounds can you hear? How does the air smell? You could even pick one sense and completely focus on it.

Another interesting way of being mindful is combining meditating and slowly walking. Start by becoming aware of your breathing, feel your feet touching the ground, the air caressing your skin, etc. Or you could try a guided walking meditation like this one from Gaby Bernstein.

“All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Focus

Some people also like to use walking to focus on something or look for inspiration. Maybe you are stuck on a project and are looking for new ideas? Or you’ve been trying to resolve a problem for a while. A comfortable stroll can help you focus or gain new perspective.

Entertain yourself

Going for a walk can also simply mean taking a break to entertain yourself. Play your favorite album or your latest audiobook, and off you go!

This option can be particularly interesting for people who don’t necessarily enjoy walking. Listening to amazing music or a captivating story will help you go for longer walks.

Meet a friend

Next time you are planning to see a friend, invite them for a walk instead of a coffee (or do both!). You will quickly notice the benefits:
- You’ll combine the stress-relieving effects of spending time with someone you appreciate and gentle exercise.
- You’ll be fully present with that person without any distractions.
- You can discuss light topics that will lift your mood.
- Or you can share something that’s been causing you stress or help them deal with difficult situations.
- You’ll probably walk more than you would on your own.
“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

Alone, with a friend or with your family, going for a walk can be done almost anywhere and fit into any schedule. Try to include it into your daily routine and it won’t take long until you see how effeciently walking can help you reduce stress.
January 23, 2019
How to Use Visualization to Achieve Your Goals
Photo by NOTAVANDAL on Unsplash

Are you looking for your dream job? Or perhaps you are longing to find your soulmate? Or do you just want to find a way to achieve your goals? Then visualization could be the right method for you.

What is visualization?

Visualizing events or situations is a natural process that we use every day: we see ourselves stuck in a traffic jam, we imagine how our job interview will go, or picture ourselves in our dream house. Depending on our beliefs with regards to the situation, our visualization will be more or less positive.

When used consciously, visualization, also referred to as creative visualization, is a technique in which you use your imagination to model your life. Nowadays, numerous people, such as athletes, musicians, entrepreneurs, actors, etc., use the power of visualization to achieve their goals.

How does visualization work?

Even though some people might think this technique is only a hype, science has shown that visualization really works. According to research, the brain doesn’t make a difference between imagining something and actually doing it – the same brain regions are activated in both processes.

Visualization can be used to meet your goals on different levels such as physical, emotional, or spiritual. Even though the technique is called visualization, you don’t necessarily need to see things when imagining them. Depending on your type of memory/imagination, you might see images, sense or feel what you are imagining.

The process of visualization relies on three key elements that will help you set a clear intention:
1. Desire: What is your goal? What do you wish to achieve? Find out what you truly want.
2. Feel: Perceive the situation/feeling you are looking for.
3. Believe: Persuade yourself of the fact that you are truly living what you are picturing. Believe your goal has already been achieved.
What are the benefits of visualization

Now that you know the basics of visualization, you probably wonder why this tool is so powerful.

Motivation

First of all, imagining yourself achieving your goal can have an extremely motivating effect. E.g., if your objective is to buy a house, imagine yourself reading a book while sipping a cocktail in the garden of your dream house. This picture and the associated feeling of satisfaction will be a great help to stick to your goal and keep the momentum.

Preparedness

Picturing a situation/activity over and over again – just like athletes or musicians will imagine themselves performing their run or piece of music – is perceived by our brain like actual practice. E.g., it can be useful to visualize yourself in a stressful situation (exam, interview, confrontation, etc.) so you will be better prepared when the real event occurs.

Confidence

The act of already seeing yourself in a specific situation will also grow your level of confidence. The mental imagery will familiarize you with the process and help you be more confident that things will turn out well and that you can do it.

Focus

Is there any better way to focus on your goals than to visualize them? Not only will the imaginative process help you define your goals but the repetitive practice will also allow you to re-adjust them, if necessary.

Stress reduction

As we will see in the next section, relaxation is key when it comes to effective visualization. The process can be compared with meditative practice. Relaxing and concentrating on your objectives is a great way to combine achieving success and reducing your stress levels.

How to use visualization

Relax

Being in a state of relaxation is key to successfully use visualization. One of the reasons is that it will help you quiet your mind and keep you from worrying.

You can use any method that works for you to relax: meditation, yoga or simply deep breathing.

Not only will you have a clear head to do effective creative visualization, but the regular relaxation exercises will have positive effects on you body and mind.

Be detailed

Using highly detailed imagery is an extremely powerful and effective way to achieve your goals. The more realistic your mental vision will be, the easier it will be for you to believe in it. This does not only apply to the visual aspect. Try to put yourself into the situation you are picturing, with all the feelings, body language, etc. This will allow you to practice the situation in a realistic way and be better prepared.

Practice regularly

Just as any new skill, mastering visualization requires practice – especially at the beginning. The best is to make visualization part of your life. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference.

Also, try to be patient even if you aren’t seeing the desired outcome as soon as you’d like to. We all have (negative) patterns that we have been repeating for years or even decades, it can take time and practice to get rid of them.

Choose the right moment

The best moments to practice visualization are just after waking up and before going to sleep. These are usually times of the day when we are in a more relaxed state of consciousness, which will make visualizing easier.
For better results, you can practice both in the morning and before going to sleep.

Adopt a positive mindset

Remember to remain open and flexible. If a vision doesn’t feel right, try another one. Find out what works best for you and keep in mind that there’s no need to force anything. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to visualizing.

Also, it’s important to visualize situations related to positive feelings and images. The purpose of visualization is to motivate and encourage you to move towards your goals.

Use affirmations

Affirmations are a great tool to help you keep a positive mindset and play a key role in visualization. Firstly, creating and writing down your affirmations will allow you to set and define your goals. Secondly, the regular practice of affirmations will help you replace any negative beliefs or blocks you may have regarding a situation with more positive ones.

Enjoy the journey

As explained earlier, your visualizations will be much more effective if you avoid forcing anything. If it doesn’t feel good, it means that you need to re-adjust: try a different approach or re-adjust your goal. The more fun you’ll have with the process, the easier it will be to achieve success.

Creative visualization is an effective technique to fast-track yourself towards your goals and create the life you truly desire. As a bonus, it’s an excellent mindfulness technique that will also improve your mental, emotional, and physical heath.
January 16, 2019
6 Simple Family Christmas Traditions
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Christmas traditions and activities don’t have to be complicated to be magic and memorable. Here are a few ideas of simple family Christmas traditions you can easily establish.

Christmas Book basket

The Christmas book basket is one of the best examples of simple but meaningful traditions. The idea here is to have a basket with 24 Christmas books from which you pick one each day from December 1^stto Christmas Eve. It works similarly to an Advent calendar.

There are various ways to adapt this tradition to your family’s preferences and the amount of time and money you want to invest. You can wrap every book (you can use newspaper for less waste) and put a number on each package; or just keep the books in the basket and children can take turns to pick a book.

If you have enough Christmas books, you can use your own and put them away after the festivities so they remain special to this time of the year. Alternatively, you could look for mini Christmas books and use a smaller box that will be easier to carry around. Otherwise, you can get books from the library to get more choice and variety.

Choose a special box or basket that you can place under the tree or wherever it makes sense to you. Crafting and/or decorating the box/basket can also make an enjoyable Christmas activity.

Family Advent Calendar

An Advent calendar is another great way of counting the days until Christmas.

I like the idea of having a family Advent calendar where all family members receive something but also get to surprise someone else.

In this case, the easiest is to have one calendar for the whole family and to place it in a common room. Each day, one of the family members gets to open a small present.

Again, this tradition can be easily adapted to your taste. You can buy a calendar or craft one with little bags, tins, cups, or any other recipients.

Of course, you can also opt for an alternative exclusively for the children like this cloth calendar or a wooden calendar with drawers.

Usually, these calendars are filled with sweets or little presents. When my elder son started to grow out of little plastic toys (which I’m not a fan of anyway), I started to create little gift cards.

Here are a few examples of gift cards:
- Watch an episode of their favorite series/cartoon
- Stay up later
- Mom takes up your chores for a day
- Go to the movies
- Invite a friend to a sleepover
- Mom brings you to school (my son has to take the bus)
- Choose what we have for dinner
- Brunch in a restaurant
Other than the gift cards, I like to put in chocolate, sweets, little pens, erasers, stickers, tattoos, etc. What I like about the calendar and the book basket, is that they can be prepared before the holiday and also help younger children wait for Christmas.

Christmas movie night

Spending an afternoon or a night watching Christmas movies together sipping a hot cocoa or a tea and maybe eating some Christmas cookies is a super easy to organize family activity. Moreover, you can do it more than once during the holiday.

Maybe you have special Christmas movies that you like to re-watch every year. I remember when I was a child, they were showing the same two Christmas movies on TV and I’d watch them every year.

Sleepover under the tree

Have you ever thought of planning a sleepover under the Christmas tree? That’s another fun low-prep activity for the children or even for the whole family.

The evening could start with hot drinks and a few Christmas stories, or a family board game. This can be very exciting for the kids.

Christmas market

Another wonderful activity to do as a family is visiting a Christmas market. This is a more European tradition and we have lots of lovely Christmas markets here in Germany. However, I have read that they are becoming more and more popular in the US too (check out this list of Christmas markets).

The best time to visit them is late afternoon when it’s already dark. This way, you can enjoy the lights and the Christmassy atmosphere.

You can either just walk along the aisles and admire the traditional crafts or try a warm beverage and/or food.

Random Acts of kindness

Another great way to spend time together as a family during the holiday is giving or helping others. Moreover, it’s a perfect opportunity to show our kids the joy of giving and sharing.

This might not sound like a “simple” tradition at first, but there are many small gestures that can make a difference to someone and are easy to make as a family.

I really like the idea that an act of kindness doesn’t need to be complicated or huge to be significant. Plus, it teaches our children (and ourselves) that small acts of kindness can be easily fit into our daily life.

Here are some ideas of random acts of kindness:
- Make someone smile
- Pay for someone’s coffee
- Bake or cook for someone
- Help someone you know (a neighbor, a friend, a relative): clean their house, walk the dog, fix their fence, offer babysitting, etc.
- Children can give away a toy/buy a toy for another child in need
- Spend time with a lonely person
- Visit someone at the hospital
Of course, there are many more ways to spread kindness. Why not start with a family brainstorming session? I’m sure your kids will come up with great ideas!

I hope this list of simple family Christmas traditions will inspire you. Or maybe some of these activities are already established in your family. Feel free to share other simple Christmas activities in the comments.
December 12, 2018
Things to Let Go of for a Stress-free Holiday Season

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your gift list? Are you stressed out at the idea of hosting Christmas dinner? Or maybe you are dreading the traditional family Christmas outing? Then, this is the sign that you need to simplify Christmas and enjoy this special time of the year. Here are 6 things to let go of to spend a stress-free holiday season.

Perfectionism

Christmas is sometimes also the time of a phenomenon known as holiday perfectionism. Indeed, we often carry over our already existing perfectionism into the shiny holiday season. We want to get the perfect gifts and organize perfect events with sophisticated meals and activities. Maybe we want to wear the perfect outfit too, and possibly attend as many events as possible.

Of course, there’s nothing against the desire to spend a fabulous holiday and make people around you happy. However, if this starts to prevent you from actually enjoying what you are doing it’s becoming a problem. Feeling overwhelmed and beating yourself up when things don’t turn out as you imagine are signs that you urgently need to simplify Christmas.

Guilt

Perfectionism often goes with a feeling of guilt when we consider we haven’t reached our goals. We feel guilty for not writing as many Christmas cards as we planned to, for not getting our children the “right” gifts or because we said no to an invitation.

Guilt as such is not an issue. A healthy amount of guilt helps us discipline ourselves, reach our goals and make sure we support others. Nevertheless, if it gets to the point that you are beating yourself up and neglecting your wishes and needs, it’s starting to become a problem.

It’s important to identify where these feelings are coming from. If you feel guilty for buying your kids too many gifts because it doesn’t match with your values, you could take the conscious decision of finding solutions to avoid this next year. However, if you feel guilty for turning off an invitation because you prefer to spend a relaxed evening with your family or just by yourself, you might want to question these feelings.

People-pleasing

I used to be a real people-pleaser and even think that was the right behavior. Today, I have realized that doing everything for others at the detriment of my own needs is not feasible in the long run. Of course, helping and supporting other people is a good thing which should be encouraged. However, people-pleasing is different as it is an unhealthy way of giving. You are sending the wrong message out to the world: My own needs don’t count.

It took me years of self-reflection to understand that I needed to prioritize myself to be able to give in a healthy way. Isn’t it much nicer for your hosts if you are happy to accept their invitation? Isn’t it more significant to do fewer things but to fully enjoy them?

Overthinking and overcomplicating

We are so prone to overthinking and overcomplicating things during this joyous season. We usually want to be a great host, offer a sophisticated four-dish menu in a perfectly decorated house. Or maybe we want to plan several Christmas activities to entertain our kids and make the best of the holiday? That might be a well-meant idea but it would make your children much happier to do less and have a more relaxed parent.

So how about planning a stress-free holiday this year? You could replace some of the events with low-prep activities or ones that are more relaxing for you. Or you could consider pairing up with one or more families if it makes the event more enjoyable for everybody. Children enjoy simple activities such as watching a Christmas movie snuggled in and sipping a hot chocolate or baking Christmas cookies with friends.

Traditions you don’t like

Traditions can be both good and bad. On the one hand, they can bring people together to share special experiences and be a way of passing down values and beliefs. On the other hand, they are sometimes associated with stress, as well as the pressure to do it right and to stick to it at any price.

So, why is it that we often stick to customs that we don’t even enjoy or find any sense in – or worse: that are stressful and complicated? Usually, it’s out of habit and/or because it gives us a sense of belonging. Sometimes, it’s due to some people around us who are more rigid about sticking to traditions.

What about honestly questioning these traditions and just picking the ones that work for you and your family? You could even establish new traditions of your own! Remember that the priority is to spend special moments with your loved ones not stressing out to observe a tradition.

Consumerism

Even though Christmas is supposed to be all about giving and sharing; it’s also the period of the year when we are most prone to fall into the trap of consumerism. It’s so easy to go overboard with gift-giving, buying Christmas decorations and elaborating sophisticated events. So what can we do to avoid this?

What about rethinking your gift-giving? You might want to try the Flexible Four Gift Method for your kids or even opt out of exchanging Christmas gift with some people. This can ensure a less materialistic and more stress-free holiday. You could also buy second-hand gifts (this works very well for toys) or opt for non-material or at least mindful gifts such as experiences.

Or have you ever thought of giving your time to a friend or to charity? You could also prompt your kids to give away some of the toys they don’t use any longer.

As in other areas of our lives, what is important is to keep in mind what is good and healthy for you and your family. Prioritizing your well-being and sticking to your values are the best ways to spend a stress-free holiday.

December 6, 2018
Simplifying Gift-giving: A Flexible Approach to the Four Gift Rule
Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Every year, we are faced with the same challenge: Find gifts that meet all (or at least most) of our expectations as parents. Of course, we want to make our children happy and seeing them get what they want fills us with joy. However, we also want our gifts to be meaningful or at least useful. And if some of them can be clutter-free too – great!

For a few years, we have been hearing about the Four Gift Rule, but is this method a realistic approach to simplify gift-giving?

What is the Four Gift Rule?

The Four Gift Rule is very simple: You buy each child only one gift of each of the categories below:
1. Something they want
2. Something they need
3. Something to wear
4. Something to read
Benefits:
- Less clutter
- More meaningful gifts
- Less materialistic approach
- Teaches values: e.g., thankfulness
- Simplifies gift shopping
- Children are not overwhelmed with gifts
- Children value their presents more
- Prevents you from overspending or going overboard with gifts
Challenges:
- Parental guilt
- Disappointed children
- Relatives and other gift givers
- Lack of flexibility
The Flexible Four Gift Method

I have been wondering for years how we could reduce the number of gifts or at least make sure they are more meaningful. In this sense, I think the Four Gift Rule is an interesting approach. However, if we look at it honestly, it’s also unrealistic. It’s already challenging to try and limit the number of gifts as parents, but if you count in the presents given by relatives and/or friends, it becomes very difficult – especially if they don’t share your values or understand your approach.

In my eyes, the Four Gift Rule should be considered as a guideline (rather than a rule) that we can keep in mind when buying presents for our children. That’s why I’ve renamed it the Flexible Four Gift Method.

Here are my personal tips to use the Four Gift Rule in a more flexible way:

Be flexible about the number of gifts

I think we shouldn’t be too strict about the number 4. If your child wants different toys that correspond to your values and are not too expensive, there’s nothing against buying them for Christmas. I believe we can be more flexible here and have more than one gift in one or more categories depending on the combination as well as our values and budget.

Set a budget

More than having a fixed number of gifts, I think it makes sense to set a maximum amount you are ready to spend. And even here, I make differences: To me, it’s not the same to spend 300$ on a bike or on a video game console.

Keep your values in mind

In my eyes, the purpose of giving something to our children is not only to buy them something they want but also to communicate values that are important to us. E.g., you might want to give non-material gifts such as experiences and time together. I like to verbalize this with the boys and emphasize that spending time together at an event or during a holiday is much more important and meaningful. It can also be a good opportunity to discuss the value of money with your kids.

Keep your long-term parenting goals in mind

It’s also helpful to keep your long-term goals in mind when choosing the presents for your children.

Ask yourself what you are teaching them when you buy them everything they want. It’s important for them to learn to wait, buy something with their own money or even not getting something.

Maybe you would like to show them the importance of sharing or living experiences as a family. Apart from individual gifts, I like to buy one or more presents that are for both boys (last year it was a board game and a Hot Wheels track set). Not only does this encourage them to share the toy but they are also more prone to play together.

I also like to share the joy of making a present with my sons. Picking something special for someone and see their reaction when they get it. Or even prompt them to give one of their toys to charity.

Think about why you want to buy those presents

Do you want to cover your kids in gifts because you want them to have what you didn’t as a child? Are you unconsciously trying to compensate the time you couldn’t spend with them or something else you feel guilty about? Or maybe you fear they might feel left out if they don’t own what everybody else has?

Try to figure out why you are buying presents and determine if you think it’s a healthy reason. If not, you might want to re-think your gift list.

Several times, I caught myself buying more than I wanted because of the fear my boys wouldn’t get enough. Also, I didn’t want them to feel they were getting less than others. When I understood that, I realized that what other kids get from their parents shouldn’t be important to me. What is crucial is that I stick to my values and keep in mind what I want for my sons.

Let go of guilt and learn to say no

It’s so easy to feel guilty when we think we are not giving enough or when our kids argue with the well-known: “But everyone else has it!”. Try to let go of these feelings – you’re doing the best you can!

Realize that children don’t need to get everything their heart desires and that there will always be others who have more than they have. Also, if they ask for something that doesn’t correspond to your values, say no. It will be an opportunity to teach them your values and show them that you make choices accordingly.

Gift ideas

Here are a few gift ideas that can be applied to the Flexible Four Gift Method.

Tips
- No need to restrict yourself to one gift per category if you think it makes more sense to combine a few smaller items instead
- Prefer quality over quantity
- Think about how your children will use the gift: Is it something they are going to put aside after a few days? Or will they enjoy the item for a long time?
Something they want
- A board game
- A video/computer game
- A console
- A camera
- An experience: concert ticket, subscription to the zoo or a museum
Something they need
- A bike to ride to school
- A laptop for school
- A helmet
- Sports equipment
- Furniture or accessories for their room
- A backpack
- A swimsuit, swimmers, goggles
- Art supply
Something to wear
- A pair of cool sneakers
- A coat
- Dress-up clothes
- A gift card to their favorite clothing store
Something to read
- Books or a book series
- A Kindle gift card
- An ebook reader
- A gift card to a bookshop
- A magazine subscription
- An Audible subscription
Examples of combinations

For a toddler: a balance bike, building blocks/ a helmet/ a funny hat and gloves/ a picture book

School-age: a Lego set/ a desk lamp/ a ninja costume, funny pajamas/ one or more Harry Potter book(s)

Pre-teen: a skateboard/ a backpack/ a cap and a cool sweater/ one or more book(s) from the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series

Teenager: a cell phone/ a school bag/ a gift card to a clothes shop/ a magazine subscription

In my opinion, the Four Gift Rule is a great opportunity to be more thoughtful when buying presents. With a bit more flexibility, such as with the Flexible Four Gift Method, it can help you choose your kids’ presents according to your values and to re-focus on more meaningful things.

How do you manage your gift list? I’d love to hear about your approach and gift ideas.
November 28, 2018