Category: Self-care

Self-care is key for our physical and mental health, especially as parents. So why is it usually the first thing we trade in when our schedules become too busy?

As parents, we tend to forget that happy, healthy, balanced children need happy, healthy, balanced parents. Seldom do we give self-care the importance that it deserves. However, sooner or later, the lack thereof will show its repercussions. We feel stressed, exhausted, impatient – in other words, we struggle to be ourselves.

So how can you make sure you take care of yourself despite all the other things that need to get done? Here are a few strategies to incorporate regular self-care into your life as a parent.

Make yourself a priority

With all the items on a parent’s to-do list, consciously deciding that your wellbeing is a priority for you and your family is key. Only after understanding that your needs must be met for you to have the resources to take care of others will you be able to take the necessary action to make time for self-care on a regular basis.

We need to understand that being a mom or a dad doesn’t change the fact that WE should be the most important person in our lives. I’d even go further and say that it’s even more important as a parent as it’s the only way to take good care of our children.

Let go of guilt

Does what you just read sound egoistic to you? Do you feel guilty when you take care of yourself?

I must admit that knowing that self-care is crucial for me, especially as a single mom, doesn’t prevent me from struggling with feelings of guilt when it comes to taking time for myself. However, when I neglect my needs, I know that I can become impatient, moody, be less attentive, or even feel resentment. Those feelings remind me that I’m not only doing it for me but also for the people around me.

If you find it very difficult to let go of negative feelings when trying to make time for yourself, positive affirmations can come in handy. E.g., “I am important”. “I deserve to be happy.” “I deserve the best”. They will help you replace your negative feelings and shift your mindset.

Know why you’re doing it

Knowing why self-care is crucial for you will help you stay committed and motivated to stick to your self-care routine.

Self-care is often neglected and associated with feelings of guilt because people often see it as a kind of luxury. Much to the contrary, we must realize that taking time for ourselves is nothing more than meeting our basic needs. We all have the right to rest, relax, do something we like, connect to our body.

You will get more out of your me-time if you keep these needs in mind when deciding what to do when you take time for yourself.

Jump on any self-care opportunity

If you wait until you can take a day or even a weekend off before you take time for yourself, you will be needing the off-time so dearly that even these days won’t be enough to fill your cup. As a parent, we should learn to take advantage of every opportunity to take time for ourselves – even if it’s for five minutes. There are so many little enjoyable moments that we can build into our life: listen to music or an audiobook while you drive, walk or cycle to your destination instead of taking the car, take advantage of your lunch break to meditate or go for a walk, etc.

Not only will taking regular breaks help you recharge your batteries but it will also set a habit of self-care.

Schedule it in

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that self-care doesn’t need to be planned – that we can take time off once the rest of our duties has been done. However, the caveat is that this time never comes. There’s always “something else” we have to do.

If you really want to commit to taking care of yourself, you need to treat your me-time just as any other item in your schedule. There are no restrictions as to how much time you schedule in. No matter if it’s 5 minute of slow breathing, a 20-minute reading session or an afternoon shopping – plan the time in!

Of course, there’s nothing against spontaneous self-care acts. It could be because you feel that you urgently need to take of yourself (you are sick, exhausted, are facing a difficult situation) or thanks to an unexpected gap in your schedule.

Ask for help

If you are like me, you probably avoid asking others for help if it’s not really necessary. However, as mentioned in the first item of this list, your wellbeing and needs are a priority!

There’s no harm in asking a friend, a family member, or even a sitter to cover for you during an afternoon, an evening, or a day. You could also have the children spend a weekend or a few days at their grandparents’. Another option could be to take turns with another family with one family taking care of all the children while the other adults take time for themselves.

Learn to say no

Learning to say no and set boundaries is crucial when it comes to finding time for self-care – especially as a parent.

If you are willing to take time for yourself, there will be less room for other activities or commitments. Especially at the beginning, when we might already feel guilty of taking time off, being assertive about your boundaries can be challenging. Moreover, people around you might show resistance or even try to talk you out of your endeavor.

Do your best to stand your ground and remember why you are taking time for yourself. Sometimes, saying no to someone is saying yes to yourself.

Self-care is an essential part of parenting. At the end of the day, making room for self-care is less a question of time than a question of prioritization. As soon as you start giving self-care the importance it deserves, you will see the positive impact on your life and the life of the people around you.

You hear about the benefits of mindfulness everywhere but you’re unsure where to start or how to fit it into your busy schedule? Then take a deep breath! Breathing exercises don’t take much time, can be practiced almost everywhere, and are very easy to learn.

Looks like we’ve found the ideal mindfulness practice for parents, right?

Obviously, we all know how to breathe – we’re doing it all day without even thinking about it. However, learning to control our breath turns this innate reflex into a powerful tool that can be a life-changer.

Benefits of mindful breathing practice

Mindful breathing practice can help you relax or raise your energy levels, reduce stress, focus, and concentrate. When you’re about to lose your cool with your children, deep breathing (especially when practiced on a regular basis) can help you control your physical and mental response to stress. When you are longing for a break, controlled breathing can help you slow down, calm your thoughts and be in the present moment. Even when you feel drained, the right breathing exercise can energize you.

Apart from your emotional well-being, breathing exercises also stimulate your physical health. Mindful breathing can help lower your blood pressure, regulate your heart rate, calm your nervous system, improve your digestion, and even strengthen your muscles.

Breathing exercises to practice alone or with your kids

In yoga practice, breathing exercises are called pranayamas. There many different kinds of pranayamas: some are soothing and calming, others will have a more energizing effect.

A few tips before you start

• Choose a comfortable position: You may sit on a chair, cross-legged, on your heels, or even lie down (if you’re not afraid to fall asleep). If you choose to sit, make sure your spine is straight and your shoulders relaxed.
• We tend to focus on inhaling more than on exhaling. Keep in mind that breathing out is just as important as breathing in. The better you exhale, the deeper you will be able to inhale.
• If you notice that your mind is wandering, just acknowledge it and re-direct your attention to your breathing.
• It’s important to practice when you/your children are calm to be able to later use the techniques in stressful situations.

Abdominal breathing (belly breathing)

How to do it:

1. Sit straight or lie down.
2. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.
3. Slowly inhale through your nose. The hand on your chest should barely move whereas you should notice the hand placed on your belly rise.
4. Slowly exhale through your mouth. Try to draw your navel in gently towards the spine.
5. Repeat for about 10 minutes.

Kid-friendly version:

• The first time, you can prompt your child to breathe slowly and notice which parts of their body are moving.
• Explain that their belly should go up and down. You can place an object or a stuffed animal on their belly for them to notice the movement.
• A good time to practice this technique with kids is bedtime. It will help them wind down before going to sleep.

Effects:

Deep belly breathing is an easy breathing exercise that will help you feel the natural flow of breath while relaxing your mind and body.

Equal breathing (square or box breathing)

How to do it:

1. Slowly count to four as you inhale.
2. Retain your breath for a count of four.
3. Then count to four as you exhale.
4. Hold your breath for a count of four.
5. Repeat for 5-10 minutes.

Kid-friendly version:

• Have your child draw a square in the air to illustrate the four phases or prompt them to visualize themselves walking along the lines of a square.
• You could also have them draw a square they can use during the exercise to visualize the breathing phases.

Effects:

This breathing exercise can help you calm down in stressful situations or create a focused mind before starting with a new task.

Progressive relaxation (body scan)

How to do it:

1. Focus on tensing various muscle groups of your body one-by-one for 3-4 seconds. Start at the top of your head and work your way down to the toes (or the other way around).
2. Inhale through your nose every time you contract your muscles.
3. When you release exhale slowly through your mouth.

Kid-friendly version:

• If necessary, start by teaching your child the difference between being tensed and relaxed. Most importantly, they should be able to feel it and identify tensed body areas.
• For younger children or if there’s little time, you might want to practice a shorter version of this exercise. The child can choose one or more body parts (e.g., clench and release their fists) instead of scanning the whole body.

Effects:

This breathing technique is a great way to connect to your body and relax. It can help calm down and release feelings of anger.

Stimulating breath (bellows breath)

How to do it:

1. Start by breathing in and out through your nose quickly with your mouth lightly closed. Make sure your inhales and exhales are equal and as short as possible. Also, ensure you are breathing from your belly.
2. Start gently with a cycle of 10-15 seconds and pause to notice the sensations in your body.
3. After a rest of 30 seconds, increase the next session by 5 seconds.
4. If you feel comfortable (no dizziness), you might want to perform as much as three cycles.

Kid-friendly version:

• To make this exercise more fun, you can tell your children to imagine they are a steam train.
• Start slowly (the train is leaving the station), progressively speed up the breath (the train is going faster), and slow down again (the train is reaching the next station).

Effects:

This is the perfect exercise to wake yourself up when you feel drowsy or mentally tired as it raises energy levels and increases alertness. You might also feel your body heat up.

Note: If you start to feel lightheaded or dizzy, take a break. Also, note that this breathing exercise is not recommended if you’re pregnant.

Lion’s breath

How to do it:

1. Kneel with your feet under your seat.
2. Place your hands on your knees, straighten your arms, and extend your fingers.
3. Slowly inhale through your nose.
4. Exhale strongly through your mouth wide open, stretching your tongue towards your chin and making a “haaa” sound (feel the air passing over the back of your throat).
5. Repeat for about 10 minutes.

Kid-friendly version:

• This technique can be a fun way to introduce children to breathing exercises as they will enjoy making a silly face and roaring like a lion.
• Let them take the pose of a lion and roar out their stress or big emotions.

Effects:

Lion’s breath helps with stress reduction as it stretches your face muscles. This breathing exercise is perfect to actively release tension. It can be practiced in the morning, as it also has an energizing effect, or whenever you feel the need to let off steam.

Breathing exercises are a great way to integrate mindfulness and self-care into your schedule as a parent. Besides you can easily adapt them to practice them with your kids. Not only will these techniques help you lead a more balanced life, but practicing them on a regular basis will provide you with a powerful tool you can use to face stressful situations.

I’m looking forward to hearing how you applied those techniques and the benefits you noticed. And remember, even when you are not practicing these breathing exercises, try to notice when you are breathing shallowly or feeling tense, and take a deep breath to relax your body and mind.