Category: Self-care

We hear and read about mindfulness and its benefits everywhere. Maybe you have already tried to practice mindfulness it but gave up because you found it difficult to fit into your already tight schedule. Or maybe, you threw in the towel out of frustration because you didn’t manage to quiet your mind on the first attempts. In either case, I have good news for you! Mindfulness can take as little as a few minutes and can be practiced almost everywhere. Plus, being mindful is just like any other skill: it’s a question of practice.

In this post, I’m presenting you easy ways to practice mindfulness on your own or with your children.

Mindful breathing

Breathing exercises can be practiced almost everywhere, at any time and in every position. All you need to do is start to focus on your breathing. You slowly breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Don’t worry if thoughts start to arise. Try to just acknowledge them, let them go and concentrate on your breathing again.

Try to fit this practice into your daily routine: Stuck in a traffic jam? Breathe. Waiting for your coffee? Breathe. Have to reboot your computer? Breathe…

Practice gratitude

Nowadays, we are usually focused on what we want to achieve or obtain, often forgetting the things we have and enjoy on a day-to-day basis. Practicing gratitude is a way to stop, be mindful, and appreciate what we have.

Introducing conscious gratefulness to your life also allows you to change perspective shifting from a mindset of lack to one of abundance. Appreciating what you have will let you welcome more things you enjoy into your life.

There are many ways to practice gratitude alone or with your children. I like to review the day before going to bed and consciously remind myself of all the things I appreciated. You could also journal or create a gratitude box or jar (which you could combine with a fun crafting activity for the children).

Body scan

The body scan is a popular mindfulness practice. This exercise of body awareness is pretty similar to a meditation in which you focus on the different parts of your body usually beginning with the toes and working yourself up to the head or the other way around.

The body scan is the perfect exercise to get in touch with your body, relax and take a break from your thoughts. You can easily do it alone – there are many guided narratives available on the internet. Else, it can be practiced with your children, e.g., during quiet time.

Also, I particularly appreciate the fact that it needs no equipment and can be done for almost any duration (5, 15, 30 minutes) depending on how much time you have.

Mindful eating

Another interesting mindfulness practice is to concentrate exclusively on what you are eating. The first step is to observe what you are about to eat: take the time to notice the colors, shapes, etc.. After that, take the first bite and pay attention to the different tastes, textures, smells, sounds, and anything you might notice. You can do the same when you drink: consciously feel the temperature, sensations, and taste while slowly sipping your drink.

Not only will this activity help you relax and find yourself, but it will also allow you to listen to your body signals and stop eating when you are full, avoiding you to unconsciously overeat.

Even if you don’t have the time to do it for a whole meal, you could start by eating the first few bites mindfully.

Mindful observation

This mindfulness technique encourages you to look carefully at an object of your choice. E.g., you could choose a piece of wood and notice its shape, color, patterns, and other details; or a burning candle observing the moving flame and dripping wax; or a glass of sparkly water watching the bubbles move to the surface. You could also focus on a natural object such as a flower, an insect, or a tree. Just be in the present moment and observe the object as if you were seeing it for the first time.

Again, this can be easily practiced with the kids. Why not lie down in the grass and watch the clouds go by.

Mindful listening

This exercise can be a fantastic way to shut yourself away from your thoughts and the rest of the world – especially when you do it using headphones. All you need to do is find a comfortable position and listen to any piece of music. Let yourself immerse into the track and try to notice every detail in the music.

I particularly enjoy doing this with classical music: noticing the individual instruments and voices, savoring the crescendos and fully experiencing the emotions that arise.

As another way to practice mindful listening with your children, you could go outside and encourage them to try to identify the different sounds they are hearing: the birds, the cars passing by, a barking dog, etc..

Practice acceptance

If you think about it, being mindful is nothing more than accepting what is in the present moment: accepting your feelings, impressions, and thoughts, and acknowledge them without judging. Indeed, practicing mindfulness means not only to focus on a single activity but also to accept your inner experience. It means accepting that thoughts might come and distract you, or that you might have difficult emotions. Once again, the key is to show self-compassion and avoid self-criticism and judgment.

You might wonder why I haven’t mentioned meditation, the mother of all mindful activities. To me, most of the exercises listed above can be compared to meditation: concentrating on your breathing, admiring an object or enjoying every single bite of your meal. The major difference is that they can be more easily fitted into our daily routine with and without our kids. If you want to know more about meditation, though, feel free to check my Beginners’ guide to meditation for parents.

I hope these exercises will be helpful to you. I particularly enjoy them because they allow you to take a break from your hectic schedule and constant thinking, and can be practiced almost everywhere with very little to no equipment. Just pick the techniques that resonate with you and try making a habit out of it. As you will quickly realize, mindfulness is very beneficial. Among other things, it will help you appreciate the little things in life, reduce stress, be more focused, and achieve greater well-being.

In today’s society, and especially as a parent, having to deal with a busy schedule and an overwhelming to-do list seems to be normal. Not only is this kind of hectic lifestyle impossible to maintain in the long term, but it also drains the energy resources you need to take care of yourself and your family. Fortunately, with the right time-management strategies, you can get things done and still find time for yourself.

Get enough rest

Obviously, the first tip here is to make sure you get enough sleep. It will be much easier to get things done if you are energized.

More than a series of subsequent tasks, your daily schedule should include regular breaks and downtime for self-care. Why not walk to the post office instead of driving, for instance. It might take you longer but it will give you the opportunity to get outside and exercise a little. Or maybe you could plan in a 5-10-minute break to just close your eyes or even meditate. Planning an hour or two to have a coffee with a friend, read or take a bath is also a good option.

Set priorities

Time-management is also about defining priorities for yourself and stick to them. This will often involve setting boundaries with other people (including your children, e.g. if you are working from home) and saying no. Remember that your already tight schedule won’t allow you to accommodate everybody’s wishes. Identify what is important and make sure it’s prioritized. Your to-do list should reflect these priorities too.

Know your limits

Notice when you need rest and take it. Sometimes, making room for a 20-minute power nap before you tackle the next task turns out to be more efficient than struggling to complete it because you are just too tired.

Don’t be too ambitious with your to-do list – setting more realistic goals will save you some frustration and dissatisfaction. And if you do more than what you had planned, then you will be even happier.

Combine tasks smartly instead of multitasking

There’s no such thing as multitasking. When we think we are handling several tasks simultaneously, we’re actually switching between them and therefore fractioning our attention instead of engaging fully in one task. It has been proven that focusing on one thing at a time is much more efficient and requires less energy.

However, do not confuse multitasking, which refers to trying to do two tasks that need focus at the same time (e.g. writing an e-mail while you’re on the phone) with combining tasks that need little attention. There’s nothing against listening to an audiobook while driving, folding the laundry while watching TV or dusting while on the phone. It will even help you make boring activities more fun.

Another way to combine tasks which works well for me is to complete a task while the children are doing something that might require your presence but not necessarily your constant handling. For example, I like to clean the bathroom while my younger son is taking a bath or folding the laundry while he’s picking up his toys before going to bed.

Think ahead

Luckily, there are many things that can be planned in a household.

• There are many ways to save time with meal prep. For instance, you can cook more and freeze the extras or take advantage of a quieter day to cook various meals in advance – whatever works better for you.
• Also, preparing the next day during the previous evening will save you some stress and dramas in the morning: make sure school bags are packed, clothes are picked, breakfast table is set, etc..
• Use time-management tools such as family calendars or synced calendars on mobile for the parents to make sure every family member is aware of their schedule and responsibilities. I find setting up reminders on my phone for various tasks very helpful.

Establish routines and habits

Establish routines and stick to them. Not only does a daily routine give children a sense of security, but it will allow you to get things done, teach healthy habits and ultimately share your values. You can basically set routines for everything: from morning to bedtime over weekends and family activities.

However, make sure your daily routine is not a series of chores and duties. Make room for fun activities and special moments. Children particularly enjoy them and, often, will remember them as adults.

Also, even though it’s important to be consistent, that doesn’t mean you should stubbornly stick to a routine that doesn’t work for your family. Remember that every child is different and that their needs will change as they grow. So don’t hesitate to adjust or change the system if necessary.

Accept imperfection

Let go of perfection (it doesn’t exist) and re-adjust your expectations.

Healthy meals don’t need to be complicated. Often children enjoy dishes with fewer ingredients more than anything else. Also, opt for easier recipes when you don’t have time to cook. Sandwiches, wraps or a salad/soup with bread can be healthy and quick options.

Depending on their age, your children don’t need to change outfits every day. Wearing some pieces of clothes twice will already save you some laundry. Also, whenever possible, buy clothes that don’t need ironing and are less prone to get dirty.

When it comes to house cleaning and organizing, try to focus on the essential. Of course, the house needs to be clean and tidy but there’s no point in exaggerating it. Accept that it will not look as perfect as it might have before you had children and don’t be too obsessed with it.

Share your workload

Do not hesitate to assign some chores to your kids. Even though they might complain, giving children responsibilities will boost their self-confidence and confer them a sense of belonging to the family. Of course, another benefit is that it will take some workload off you.

According to your children’s age, chores and responsibilities could range from setting the table and picking up toys over folding the laundry to preparing their lunch bag or packing their sports bag.

Besides the obvious workload, we often forget about the so-called “mental load”. It refers to the invisible planning and organizing work around the household that usually relies on one parent (often the one staying at home): e.g. buying milk, remembering the dentist’s appointment or washing your child’s sports clothes so they are clean for the next game. Make sure you and your partner are aware of this additional and often ignored burden, and distribute it between the two of you but also among the children. Maybe you could decide on who is responsible for which areas so that not only one parent is making the thinking for the whole family.

Get organized

As I was mentioning earlier, you shouldn’t be obsessed with having a perfect household, your goal should be to have a picked up and uncluttered home at the end of the day so that you can relax or focus on other tasks once the kids are asleep.

Moreover, if everything is in its place, you won’t waste your time looking for items. Try to find functional ways which will also allow your kids to put away their things on their own. Usually, baskets, boxes or bins work well. You could also focus on areas that tend to be messy such as the entryway: everybody should know where to put away their shoes, bags, coats, etc.. Also make sure the items you need for specific tasks are stored where you need them and can be easily put away.

Organizing also means getting rid of unnecessary or redundant items. For instance, toys are usually an area where there is room for improvement – maybe you could find time before Christmas or the kids’ birthdays to donate toys or get rid of broken ones.

Remember to fit organizing into family routines. A common way of doing this is to have children pick up their toys before going to bed or tidying up the kitchen immediately after meals. For instance, to help my older son learn to how to declutter and organize his room when he was younger, we would schedule a whole afternoon on a quiet week-end and spend it re-organizing his room.

I guess we all know that proper time-management is key for parents – and maybe you already apply some of the listed strategies. However, we often make the mistake of trying to fit in as many tasks as possible into our daily schedule and tend to forget to plan time for ourselves. Instead of getting as much as possible done, our goal should be to maximize our time so as to get things done and find time to take care of ourselves and spend quality time with our loved ones.

“Just think about nothing, clear your mind,” they say.

For a long time now, I’ve been thinking that meditating would be a good thing for me – that it might help me quiet the constant spiral of thoughts swirling in my head. However, every time I tried to sit down quietly and “stop thinking,” I would get agitated, and my mind would start to wander. That’s usually when I gave up meditating – after about 3 minutes… At least, that’s how it was going until I found out about the method I will describe in this article.

What is meditation?

More than an activity, meditation refers to a state of consciousness in which the mind is relaxed and focused inward but still alert. In that sense, meditation is far more than sitting in lotus position trying to stop thinking. Actually, any activity done mindfully – i.e., concentrating on the process and sensations instead of thinking of something else – can be considered as meditation. This means that you can be meditating watching your kids play, eating or doing the dishes as long as you are entirely focused on this specific activity.

Why Parents Should Meditate

You take a break from your thoughts

Obviously, meditation will help you put your thoughts aside and be in the present moment, which can be extremely enjoyable and relieving for a parent having a thousand things on their mind all day.

You reduce your stress level

Of course, it’s commonly known that meditation is the perfect skill to learn to manage your stress in a natural way. After a session, you usually feel calm and rested.

You are doing something for yourself

As parents, we tend to lose ourselves in parenthood, our primary focus being our children’s needs. Meditation can help you re-center and focus on your body and mind.

You learn to let go

We cannot deny that, as parents, there are many things we are trying to control: our kids’ behavior, our emotions, etc.. At the same time, who better than a parent knows that life rarely goes as planned… Meditation can help you stop trying to control everything and spare you a lot of frustration.

You become a more balanced parent

Meditating teaches you to become more balanced and centered, which will have a positive impact on your relationship with your children (and the rest of the world).

You feel more energized

Meditation is a natural way of stimulating your body and mind.

How to meditate

Preparation

As described above, you can meditate almost anywhere doing anything. Nevertheless, it can be very helpful to start with one location and, if possible, at the same time, to establish the habit.

1. Location: Choose a quiet and peaceful place where you will not be disturbed. Turn off your phone.
2. Atmosphere: If you like, you can light a candle which will add to the cozy atmosphere and can serve as a point of focus if needed. You could also have some peaceful music in the background.
3. Posture: The usual posture is sitting cross-legged (e.g., in lotus position) with your hands on your knees or in your lap with a straight spine. Nevertheless, if you feel more comfortable just sitting or kneeling on a cushion or a chair, or even lying down, there’s no problem with that. The important is to be comfortable but still with complete alertness (no, you’re not preparing for sleep).

Meditation

Close your eyes and start concentrating on your breath. You may want to think “in”/“out” or “rise”/“fall” or count your breaths to help you stay focused on your breathing. Consciously feel the air flowing in and out of your body.

When your mind starts to wander – and it will, it’s natural – just acknowledge the thought and go back to your breathing. Try not to be frustrated or angry about the thoughts surfacing, instead, honor them and let go.

Top tip: You might want to label your thoughts to help you let go of them. For instance, if you are thinking of what lunch to pack for the children the next day, you could repeat “tomorrow” or “planning” until you manage to focus on your breathing again.

Also, you might find yourself distracted by the outside, e.g., a car passing by or a hair tickling your nose. Again, just acknowledge the sound or sensation (label it repeatedly, if it helps) and go back to your breath.

If, like me, you have an agitated mind, it will probably require some practice until you manage to calm your thoughts. On the other hand, it also means that meditation is exactly what you need. Try to be patient with yourself.

We often hear about young parents not getting enough sleep because they have to attend their newborn at all hours. However, as your children grow, you realize that sleep deprivation is recurring in your life as a parent: illnesses, nightmares and sleep terrors, early mornings and late nights, you name it.

In my case, not only do I have a five-year-old who used to wake up every night until recently and still wakes me up regularly, but I find it very difficult to go to bed early when the evening is my only alone time.

However, I’m starting to wonder if one more hour of “me time” makes up for the lack of sleep I’m experiencing. Maybe getting more sleep would be an even better investment in my self-care.

So why is sleep so important in the first place?

Importance of sleep

Physical health

Even though we tend to underestimate their impact, sleeping habits have a significant effect on our health. Among other things, sleep deprivation can affect our immune system, hormones, metabolism and healing processes.

Mental and emotional well-being

While we are sleeping, our brain is busy working processing the previous day and preparing for the next. Sleep deprivation makes you irritable and short-tempered. We all know that a rested parent will be (more) patient.

Level of performance

A better sleeping hygiene will make you feel more energized and increase your skills and level of performance. It will affect your ability to solve problems, learn new things and be creative. Sleep also has an impact on your performance at physical exercise. It makes sense, who is keen on working out when you are already struggling to find the energy to get through the day?

Productivity

Getting enough sleep will allow you to concentrate better and increase your productivity. For instance, it has been proven that sleep deprivation has a negative impact on your memory performance and capacity to make decisions.

Tips to sleep better

1. Become aware of the importance of sleep and make it your priority

We tend to underestimate the importance of sleep and the benefits a better sleeping hygiene can bring. See sleeping as an investment in your health, well-being, efficiency, and productivity.

2. Stick to a consistent sleep schedule

Ideally, you should go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Luckily, our children are there to keep us from sleeping in on weekends!

3. Listen to your body

As much as possible, try to go to bed when you feel tired. Usually, you will start yawning and feel drowsy.

4. Adopt a bedtime routine

Find relaxing, sleep-inducing activities before going to bed: taking a bath, reading a book,  listening to music or an audiobook – whatever helps you to wind down.

5. Avoid electronics before bed

This advice is well-known but can be quite difficult to follow. Switch off your phone, tablet and/or laptop at least an hour before going to bed. If this seems really unfeasible, then at least use a blue light filter. Today, most devices are equipped with a night mode, else, you can find several apps to adjust your screen lighting in the late hours.

6. Adapt your diet

Ideally, you should avoid big meals in the evening, as well as caffeine and alcohol. Also, make sure you balance your fluid intake such as to drink enough but not too much to avoid having to visit the bathroom during the night.

7. Exercise during the day

Regular exercise has a positive effect on your sleep quality. Just make sure you don’t fit in your workout too late in the day as it might otherwise interfere with sleep. Here are some tips to exercise as a parent.

8. Clear your head

Have you ever had the feeling that as soon as your head hits the pillow, your thoughts start racing? I found that writing down my thoughts helped to quiet the mad swirling in my head. You could also try to relax through deep breathing, meditation or just visualizing a peaceful place or thinking of something positive.

9. Optimize your sleep environment

Make sure the room is dark and the temperature cool enough. Also, ensure that your bed is comfortable (appropriated mattress and covers) and that it’s tidy and inviting. Ideally, your bed should only be for sleeping and sex – this way, your brain will make the right associations and it will be easier to fall asleep.

10. Stop seeking perfection

Don’t hesitate to prioritize your sleep over chores or other activities. Sometimes, especially if you have a baby, the cleaning and laundry have to wait so that you can rest and be fit.
Don’t feel guilty for allowing your child to sleep with you when they wake up during the night if it helps you get enough sleep to get through the next day.

11. Find options to allow you to sleep a bit longer in the morning

You could take turns with your partner on weekends – one looking after the children while the other stays in bed.
Ask older siblings or grandparents to look after the children from time to time to allow you to rest.

What to do when you cannot sleep

• Try to focus on relaxing: Breathe deeply, feel your body.
• Avoid thinking: Racing thoughts will keep you awake.
• Get up and do a non-stimulating activity if you cannot go back to sleep after 15 minutes (e.g., reading).

Especially as a parent, taking care of our sleep is a major factor in achieving a healthy lifestyle. The first step to adopting healthier sleeping habits is to realize the importance of sleep and make it a priority.

What about you? Do you struggle to get enough sleep? Let me know if you have other tips and strategies to make sure you get enough rest.

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We very well know that to be balanced and take care of ourselves, exercising is extremely important. But how do we include workouts or gym sessions into our already busy schedules as parents?

Personally, at the end of the day, when the children are in bed, I find it very difficult to find the courage to start working out. Even though I feel good after exercising, I’m not the kind of person who enjoys working out so much that it will be at the top of my priority list when I finally have time for myself. Even when I manage to find time for regular workouts, I will usually stick to it for two or three months before abandoning – and feel very guilty about it.

If you know this feeling too, keep reading! I will share some tips and strategies that I use to put the pressure off me and still make sure I get enough exercise as a parent.

1. Get a fitness tracker

The first tip that I can give any person who wants to make sure they are getting enough exercise is to use a fitness tracker. It doesn’t need to be an expensive, sophisticated smartwatch. Actually, even a simple pedometer or smartphone app will do.

I bought my first Fitness tracker about three years ago, and it has helped me substantially increase my level of physical activity. I have set my goal to 10,000 steps a day and still find it’s an achievable objective. In the beginning, I would put myself under pressure to reach the 10,000 steps each day – even jogging at home to make sure I reached them. Today, I use this goal more as an orientation. E.g., if I have only 3,000 steps in the afternoon, I know I should be moving a bit more that day and might consciously include a walk or some other physical activity. On the other hand, if I don’t reach my goal on that one day, I know it will be compensated on other days where I move more.

2. Have fun

Try to find activities that you like instead of torturing yourself through a workout just for the sake of exercising. Even going for a walk or riding a bike are good ways to move your body.
Try different activities until you find one that suits you. You could also pair up with a friend to make it more fun.

3. Include Your Children

You don’t necessarily need to wait until you have time alone to exercise a parent. There are actually many ways you can fit in physical activity during the day with your kids.

Plus, exercising with your kids has many benefits:

• You are killing two birds with one stone: Not only you but also your kids get physical exercise
• It’s fun and can be a good balance to the sometimes stressful day
• It’s an excellent way to channel the children’s energy
• You are building healthy habits by teaching your children the importance of regular physical exercise
• It’s a great way to bond

Indoor activities:

• Dance it out: Turn on the music and just dance! It’s incredibly fun and allows to release stress.
• Workout with your children: I was astonished to see that my boys (4 and 12) really enjoy the workouts and even ask for them. We just find a guided workout on YouTube and do it together in the living room.
• Play ball: You can use a plush ball to play ball safely inside (maybe not near the crockery cupboard though). My boys love to play soccer, for example. One goes in front of the wall, and the others try to score.
• Yoga: Not only is yoga great to release stress and channel the kids’ energy, but it helps them increase their awareness and accept themselves. You don’t need to call it yoga if you think it might turn off your children. You can have fun doing breathing exercises and yoga poses. For instance, we have been using children’s books like this one to wind off before going to bed. You could also try having fun creating a yoga parkour as it’s suggested here.
• Indoor playground or trampoline park: These are interesting alternatives when the weather is bad. Why not play with the kids and try out the slides and trampoline?

Outdoor activities:

• Sports and games: Even if you are not always in the mood, actively participating in your children’s games such as jumping on the trampoline, playing tag or doing sports with them outside will delight them and get you moving at the same time. Personally, jumping on the trampoline or skipping make me feel like a child again and are efficient cardio workouts.
• Walk or cycle instead of taking the car: See if there are trips for which you can leave the car at home and walk or cycle instead. Even if it will take you longer, it’s nice to show our children that walking can be enjoyable. Remember, the journey is the reward.
  With my sons, we love walking – sometimes just to get some fresh air and sometimes we have a specific destination (e.g., having an ice cream, go to the playground). My little one didn’t use to enjoy walking very much until recently so he would take his bike or scooter and his older brother and I would walk.
• Race: Challenge your kids and race them to go to a specific point.

Top tip: Instore a rule according to which everybody needs to go out at least once a day despite the weather. My elder son particularly enjoys walking through the rain and then getting back and cuddle on the sofa.

4. Walk, walk, walk:

• With your children: As I already mentioned, going for a walk with your children is a nice way of getting exercise as a parent.
• Alone: Walking on your own can help you relax and find yourself.
• Walking with a friend: Walking can also be a good alternative to sitting around a cup of coffee when meeting a friend. Ideally, it will allow you to spend time in nature, meet someone you appreciate all while getting physical exercise.

5. HIIT or the ideal parent workout

As the name suggests, HIIT (High-intensity Interval Training) refers to a short, intense and highly-effective workout.

Why I consider HIITs as the ideal parent workouts

• They are short but effective: Even a 10-minute workout done on a regular basis can bring results
• They require little to no equipment: The routines are mostly based on bodyweight training
• They can be done almost everywhere: They require very little space. I’ve done HIITs in my living room, in one of the kids’ rooms, at the hotel, outside, etc.
• You can include the kids to the workouts: Obviously, depending on their age, they will just mimic your movements
• The workouts can be adapted to any level of fitness

Where to find workouts

In my opinion, the best resource to find HIIT workouts is YouTube where there are many channels offering routines of all lengths/intensities and for all levels. Another alternative can be to download an application to your smartphone or tablet. They often include workouts, descriptions, videos, and reminders.

As you can see, being a parent doesn’t necessarily mean giving up on your fitness. There are numerous ways to exercise as a parent be it with or without your children. Obviously, not all the tips will work for every family but I hope this will inspire you and help you build in more physical activity without putting too much pressure on yourself.

Do you manage to get as much exercise as you want? How do you fit it into your schedule? I’d love to hear which tricks you use to be a fit parent.